i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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