You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
