Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
