Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
