Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
