you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
either way he was missing a nipple.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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