I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize