That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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