I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
