Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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