A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
