idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
