Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am one with the molecules
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize