i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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