her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
