my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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