what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
