Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
