I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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