Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
