his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
