If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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