summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
