bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Congratulations! We have a period
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