you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What drink are we having for lunch?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
