I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
