you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
