We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
