Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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