i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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