Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
