I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
