I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
