I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
