Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
