I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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