Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
