By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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