My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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