Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
