party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize