I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
