so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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