whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
