he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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