Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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