After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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