Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
