If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize