May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
