I cannot find my penis.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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