she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
