you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
