Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
