Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize