I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize