He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
