i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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