he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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