My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize