He asked me if I "almost moaned"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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