Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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