Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
