who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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