she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
