So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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