i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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