a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
