Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
