I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize