and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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