The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
