Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
