I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
