Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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