he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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