Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize