he thought i was a dude.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
