My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize