I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize