I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think people are normalizing furries
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
