Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
two words...techno handjob
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
