If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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