You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
