Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
