Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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