I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
